


i want to feel your love like the weather (all over me)

by jbhmalum



Series: prompt fics [12]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, tags... hate them, there are letters there are phone calls invovled idk, well sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29161428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jbhmalum/pseuds/jbhmalum
Summary: The wind blows from the open window of his dorm, grazing Michael’s right cheek ever so slightly. He shakes his head at the feeling that only reminds him of the way Luke would caress his face with his fingertips at the back of the school library, or the way Luke would lay butterfly kisses along his jaw to make him laugh. It’s a bittersweet memory, that draws a slight smile on his lips but makes his heart shrink in on itself.or: Luke is across the world from Michael, and Michael has no idea when he'll see him again
Relationships: Michael Clifford/Luke Hemmings
Series: prompt fics [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2005603
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	i want to feel your love like the weather (all over me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [redrattlers_em](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redrattlers_em/gifts).



> Hi!  
> It's [Em's](https://redrattlers.tumblr.com/) birthday today, and she is one lovely human being, em i love you so much!! You told me you liked angst... so I wrote angst for your prompt! I really hope you like it! Happy birthday <3
> 
> Also thanks [Amanda](https://lifewasradical.tumblr.com/) for hyping me up for this!! love u <3
> 
> The prompt was "it reminded me of you"
> 
> Enjoy! xx

_ Dear Luke, _

_ It’s barely been a day since we got off the phone as I’m writing this, which I know makes me sound a bit desperate, but I can’t help it. I already miss your voice. Which I almost told you when I called you, but didn’t want to ruin the mood. I really fucking miss you. My mom keeps telling me that that’s okay, even though it’s already been ten months since you moved to a whole new country (what am I saying, a whole new continent!). She says hi by the way. She came to visit me on campus today as a little surprise, and she took me to the market this morning. It was a bit chilly outside, but the days are getting warmer here. I even got to wear that dumb shirt you helped me pick out that last summer we spent together. Oh! I forgot, that’s why I’m writing this. I put the shirt on, and it reminded me of you. At first it made me smile. But then as the day went on I kept looking down at myself and it just reminded me about how you’re gone. And about how you’ll be gone for who knows how long. Ah, I’m sorry, I don’t want to make you sad or anything. You’re probably having a good time discovering New-York City and meeting cool people now that college has finally started for you. I wish I could make cool friends, too, to distract myself a little, but I still don't really know how to do that. I still only have Calum. That’s not bad!!! I would take him over any “cool” friends, but you know. I would still like to have friends at college. I don’t know where I’m going with this. I still have the shirt on. I’ll be thinking about you for the rest of the day. Not that I’m not usually, but this is a big missing you day, so I thought I’d write you something. And I did, and now I think I’m done. _

_ Love you, talk to you soon. _

_ Yours truly, _

_ Michael _

Michael looks at the letter displayed on his desk, and lets out a sigh filled with hopelessness as he puts down his pen. The words weren’t hard to write down. They always come easily to him, flowing out of him and into the ink on the page. Each letter he’s ever written Luke is filled with ramblings and musings about how he misses him and about how he wishes they could be together.

Each of these letters is also buried underneath a pile of textbooks in the bottom drawer of his desk, where nobody will find them. Especially not Luke. Michael could have sent them, he supposes. But he feels too vulnerable, with his thoughts splashed on paper like this. It’s easier to just text or call Luke and make jokes about the teachers or talk about what they ate for lunch.

The wind blows from the open window of his dorm, grazing Michael’s right cheek ever so slightly. He shakes his head at the feeling that only reminds him of the way Luke would caress his face with his fingertips at the back of the school library, or the way Luke would lay butterfly kisses along his jaw to make him laugh. It’s a bittersweet memory, that draws a slight smile on his lips but makes his heart shrink in on itself.

Michael wishes things were different. Which is nothing new, really; he wishes almost everything was different. He always wishes classes were easier, that he had a younger sibling to annoy. That he could get better at guitar faster, or that he could eat burgers everyday without getting sick. But mostly, he wishes the love of his life weren't currently on the other side of the planet. 

He's only a phone call away, Michael knows that very well, and he also wishes that were enough, but it isn't. How could it be, when Michael longs for Luke's hand in his, for the weight of his head on his shoulder or his warm lips on his?

Still, a phone call is all he has, so before thinking about it he picks up his phone, dialing Luke’s number, which he knows by heart even though he doesn’t need to.

The phone rings, and rings, Michael’s leg bouncing nervously as he bites his fingernail, praying for Luke to answer. They’ve been talking a bit less frequently lately, because Luke has been busy finding his footing at college, but hopefully Luke won’t mind Michael calling him two days in a row too much.

Right when Michael thinks it’s time to hang up, that Luke isn’t going to pick up, a tired voice answers him.

“Hello?”

Michael can feel his heart loosen up instantly; the slight breeze doesn’t feel as mocking, suddenly. It feels like Luke greeting him.

“Hi Luke!” he says. “How are you?”

“Huh, tired?”

There’s the sound of something shuffling for a second, and then Luke sighs.

“Why are you calling me at three in the morning on a Sunday? Is something wrong?”

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry,” Michael hurries to say. He still hasn’t gotten the hang of timezones, it seems. “No, I just wanted to talk, but I’ll let you go back to sleep.”

“No, no,” Luke counters. “I’m awake now, anyway, so might as well talk to you.”

While it makes him happy, that Luke would want to stay with him this early, Michael still feels bad for waking him up.

“Don’t worry about it,” Luke insists when Michael apologizes again. “So, what’s up?”

Little inconvenience forgotten, Michael tells Luke about the market excitedly, then recounts things that he’s probably told Luke a million times already, but he only has a day’s worth of new stories to tell, and he refuses to get emotional by telling Luke about the damn shirt.

With Luke’s voice comforting in his ear, he clutches at the cheap fabric of it, ignoring the way his heart tightens again a little every time he looks down at it, and tries to remember the good memories he has with Luke instead of thinking about what he doesn’t have right now.

Luke asks about Michael’s parents, then tells Michael about his. Michael loves Luke’s family, and in some capacity, he misses them a lot as well. Throughout the three and a half years he and Luke have been friends (and then more), he would spend his weekends at Luke’s place. They’d hide away in Luke’s room for part of it, sure, playing guitar and video games and pretending to do homework, but Michael believes he’s spent almost as much time having dinner with Luke’s parents and brothers or watching TV with them. 

That’s where he learned a lot of things about Luke. Against Luke’s will, of course, because Jack is nothing if not a typical older brother.

“Remember when Jack caught us making out on your couch?” Michael says, the memory coming to him suddenly, a hint of a smile tearing at his face.

“Oh my god, I could never forget that,” Luke says through a chuckle.

That had been the scariest moment of Michael’s — and Luke’s — life, for sure. They hadn’t been together for more than a few weeks, so every moment they got on their own was spent attached to each other, whether it be kissing or just huddling close together, and so they’d forgotten themselves a bit. Which is why Jack had come back from a friend’s to find them locking lips on the Hemmings’ couch.

He’d gotten so red, and he’d screamed a little. Luke and Michael had gotten so incredibly scared, Luke’s face paling to match Michael’s, but then Jack had shouted “I hope kissing is the farthest you’ve ever gone on this couch,” and it had all seemed alright.

Luke had stuttered out that it was, that making out was as far as they’d ever gone. Jack had taken mercy on him, deflating as he’d kissed Luke’s forehead with a “I’m happy for you kiddo” and a “you better not hurt my brother” to Michael.

“The teasing got merciless after that,” Michael says, to which Luke hums in agreement. “It was so embarrassing, but you have no idea what I’d give to endure that again if it meant you being here.”

“I’m here,” Luke says, and Michael shakes his head.

“No you’re not, you’re over  _ there, _ and–”

His next words never see the light of day, getting stuck in his throat which is suddenly closing up. Michael can feel it, the surge of despair and longing for someone who's thousands of miles away. It takes him by surprise, tears springing to his eyes, but Michael recognizes the feeling from all the nights he’s cried himself to sleep wishing Luke’s warm shoulder were under him instead of his cold pillow.

It’s never happened with Luke on the other side of the line, though. Never. He’s always been able to push it away, because Luke always seems to handle the whole being apart thing well, so he wanted to do the same, not seem too clingy, but apparently today it’s too much for him to pretend.

Before he knows it he’s fully crying, Luke asking him not to while he tries to keep his sobs silent enough not to sound as lost as he feels. His chest feels too heavy, his own body constricting, and his brain doesn’t seem to want to cooperate, only thinking “Luke” and “not here” as Luke falls silent on the other side, apparently not knowing what to say.

Michael doesn’t blame him.

“You’re not here,” he mumbles when it’s possible to speak again. “You’re not here, and it’s been so fucking long, Luke.”

“I’m sorry,” Luke says. Michael can’t make out which emotions are painting his voice, too overwhelmed by his own.

“I miss you a lot, you know. It’s different here without you. College is weird, and neither you nor Calum are here with me. Just– a lot of things have changed.” He bites his lips, hesitating, deciding on a half truth. “Maybe I haven’t been handling the change as well as I made it seem.”

Luke sighs, then there’s something like a yawn, then he calls Michael’s name calmly.

“I’m sorry, that sucks. But you’re okay,” he assures. “You just need to keep busy. Do you have anything fun planned soon?”

Of course, right. It’s Luke, and Luke hasn’t seemed very intent on sharing his emotions over the phone since he moved. To be fair, Michael has never known Luke to be too into sharing his thoughts and feelings with others — Calum would remind Michael of that all the time — but Michael can’t help but be a little hurt that Luke doesn’t even say something about missing him too, at least.

But Michael refuses to let it get to him even more. Luke is trying to help however he can, that’s all. He wipes his face with the back of his hand then sits back up properly from where he’d slouched on his desk.

He clears his throat. “Well, I have lots of projects to finish this week, but I’m going home for the weekend. Calum and I are going to the movies on Saturday night. To unwind a little.”

“What are you gonna be watching?”

“I don’t know yet, actually. He’s taking me, so I’m letting him choose.”

“Ooh, like a date?”

Michael makes a face.

“Ew, what? Of course not!” Michael feels the tears again at the thought of dating someone that’s not Luke, but he blinks them away. “Don’t joke about that.”

Michael can almost hear Luke rolling his eyes. “Well sorry, I didn’t know that was such a sensitive topic. I’ll never insinuate you and Calum could ever date, my bad.”

“That’s not what–” Michael sighs, but quickly forces a smile on his face, as if Luke could see him. “Never mind. Yeah, Calum and I are gonna hang out, so that’ll be fun.”

“Okay, well. That’s good.” The room falls silent for a moment before Luke goes on, voice softer. “I want you to be happy and have fun, you deserve it.”

_ So do you, _ Michael almost says, but he catches himself. Luke already knows that. Luke is already having a lot of fun, he’s told Michael numerous times. It hurts, to think that Luke is happy over there without him while Michael has to hold on not to crumble too much from the lack of Him, but Michael knows that Luke is excited to be where he is. What about New-York City isn’t exciting to a nineteen year-old Australian boy?

And, Michael wouldn’t wish for Luke to be miserable until they see each other again, anyway. Neither of them knows when that will be; Michael’s family would never be able to afford flying to the US, and Michael couldn’t afford it on his own either, so they’ll have to wait for Luke’s family to have a break so that they can come back Down Under.

Michael wishes they’d have an expiration date on this thing, so that he could have some perspective to put his heart at ease, but they don’t, so for now he's just going to have to accept that Luke is having a way easier time with all this than he is. 

“I think I'm gonna go back to sleep now, Mike,” Luke mumbles tiredly.

Michael looks at his watch; they’ve been talking for an hour. Not a record by any means, but it  _ is  _ early for Luke.

“Oh! Yeah sure, I'm sorry for keeping you up.”

“No, no, you're good.” Luke dismisses, though the yawn he lets out tells Michael otherwise. “Just promise me you'll have fun? I'm sure hanging out with Calum will help.”

Michael can hear it in Luke's voice, that he believes it. Luke's always been in awe of Michael and Calum's friendship, even was a bit jealous of it at the beginning, so it's no surprise that he thinks Calum will just cheer him up. Michael doesn’t have the heart to tell him it hasn't been that easy lately. 

“I'm sure it will,” Michael says. “I'll keep you posted on what we watch and if it sucks.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Okay, I'm sorry, you're falling asleep on me.” 

Luke just hums, and Michael bites his lip against a smile, picturing Luke's tired face the way he remembers it, eyes falling shut and brow soothed out. That tired face has spent a lot of time buried under Michael's chin or against his shoulder, nose breathing warm air against the skin of his neck.

Warm, like the breeze on his skin right now, he muses.

“Night Luke,” he says before he can start spiraling again. “Love you,” he adds hesitantly.

“Night Mike,” comes Luke’s weak reply.

Michael waits, just five more seconds, hoping, but Luke doesn’t say anything else.  _ He’s probably fallen asleep already, _ Michael tells himself, hanging up the phone with a sigh. His cheeks are still a little wet, his heart still feels a little too fragile.

Just like after every call with Luke, he feels empty,, left with his own thoughts reflected back to him on the paper he’d almost forgotten about and the wind on his face as the shirt starts feeling too tight around his chest.

Maybe he needs to get rid of Luke, just for a couple hours, to lift his spirits back up. So he gets up, hides the letter with the others. He thinks about it for a second, then takes the shirt off, putting it back in his closet before going to close the window. It’s still pretty outside, he muses as he rests his head against it; the sun is out, and the sky is a bright blue, and Michael should feel good about that. Instead, he’s left staring into the sky thinking it doesn’t have anything on the blue of Luke’s eyes.

Michael sighs, defeated. Luke is everywhere. Everywhere but here, it seems. He snorts at the irony of it. That might be the most cruel thing the universe has inflicted on him.

He spends the rest of the day in a daze, and when he finally goes to sleep that night, it’s to the hopeful thought that sooner rather than later, the wind will be nothing but the wind, and there won’t be the need to write any letters. That Michael will be able to look at that shirt and only think about how ugly it actually is, and that he’ll get to look Luke in the eyes again as the sun shine on them both.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!  
> comments/kudos are always appreciated :)  
> as always i'm on [tumblr](https://michaelownsmyheart.tumblr.com/) if you want to come say hi!
> 
> also a side note... maybe I am planning on writing a (long) fic where they meet again... maybe i've already planned most of the story... all maybes!


End file.
